It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
