That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You can't motorboat a personality
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
