I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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