C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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