i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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