My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My ATM looks so different sober.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
