Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
