His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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