Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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