now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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