Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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