Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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