so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
