I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
