he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
