Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
