I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
