I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
