Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
