I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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