I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
