Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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