Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
