And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
