I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
