I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
