shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
