I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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