I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
