She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
