my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
