I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
