Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
