you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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