Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
