Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
