She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
