My balls are so social today.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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