If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
