Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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