your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
