I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
