I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
