so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
