i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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