If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
