i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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