I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize