I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
