I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
