thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
