Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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